Friday, May 18, 2012

making fresh lemonade out of lemons

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What to do when life hands you a crappy mood: buy a bag of lemons and make lemonade.

It's the first cloudy morning we've had in days and I wanted nothing more than to sit down with a cup of tea — something I haven't felt the need for since the sun has been shining. Currently I am sitting with the white cat on my lap, sipping my Earl Grey, wishing there was a way to reach the pot of tea on the counter for a refill without disturbing the cat. The lengths we go to.

Joseph is still sleeping in the other room. It's 10:47am as I type, but in fairness to him he was working until almost 3am last night.

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My cousin wrote a lovely heartfelt and realistic ode to her own complicated system of feelings (no more complicated than the rest of us mind you) and I won't say it was on her coping mechanisms, nor her reactions, but it is a good analysis of her truth.  She's having a bit of trouble sleeping right now, which to be honest I've never struggled with (not since being out of school that is). I consider both the sunshine streaming in and the birdsong outside the window wonderful indications to what is sure to be a great day, but neither of those things will pull me from the bed. Eventually (after probably having overslept) I rouse myself due to an odd neurosis that makes the bed no longer comfortable, nor comforting, but an evil constricting force that is working against me. A friend and I recently exchanged letters and she asked what I would do if I could spend all day in bed and I responded that I would never spend all day in bed. Even the thought of it makes me anxious and tense. In the mornings after a minute or two of stirring and torturing the cats and toying with the idea of sleeping for eight more hours, my body starts to tense and stiffen. I become sore and anxious and usually quite literally jump from the bed. It's a love hate relationship? Perhaps I need a better bed. Or a worse one. Sleep is a required part of human existence, but it gets in the way of accomplishing all the great things I am meant to do. (Such as the procrastinating I am currently doing)

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I don't know how I handle stress or the d-word and I don't know which part of my body it manifests in and I don't know if there is ever a cure-all. I do feel like there is a constant coping going on: a constant reaction to signals that our minds tell us are unhealthy and that we should nip in the bud. Or looking for solutions to a problem, except the problem didn't xerox properly, so how will you ever know what x stands for? Well gardening is supposed to be calming, so I should try that. Well exercise is supposed to pull feelings of anxiety and use them in a more productive physical response, so I should do that. Maybe if I eliminate this from my diet I will have more energy?

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Do I want it to be normal? Do I want to just accept that some days all you can focus on are things that you aren't doing, feelings that you are or aren't feeling, solutions that you aren't finding? No. But maybe as my cousin implied we simply have to accept that normal is not normal. If there were a handbook on life we would study it, and I probably would have gladly taken that course over say chemistry.

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Sometimes I see the appeal of devoting one's life to a cause so wholeheartedly that you simply do not have time to think of yourself, or your worries or to create worries. As an introverted soul you would think that a blog would lend itself nicely to me as a place where I could finally say my thoughts, but mostly that isn't the case. Most of the time I keep my thoughts a millimeter or two away from where they first sprouted. I very highly consider our thoughts to be sacred, yes, but more than that I don't want to be worried about, or wondered about. The last thing I need is for something else to cause me anxiety. 

So where does this conclude? What's the happy ending, or in this case solution? Well that's the whole point: there isn't one. If you are happy all the time and if in fact being happy all the time is the solution to the problem, then that's great. I'm happy for you?  I don't know. Nobody's paying me to think, so I guess I'll go weed the garden, it does need to be done after all.  

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As it turns out lemonade is a totally healthy drink that is also a great thing to make when you feel one of those dreaded spring colds coming on.

Dissolve a couple big tablespoons of honey in a bit of warm water. Allow to cool. Take the juice of five or six lemons and add your honey mixture. Add enough cold water to create a pleasant tang to sweet ratio (or just fill up your pitcher). Add ice and herbs such as basil and mint. Enjoy.

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Anonymous said...

Screw Exercise. I'm going to take an afternoon bath ;)


Anonymous said...

Screw Exercise. I'm going to take an afternoon bath ;)


Rosalind said...

adore you. miss you.

Mary Hudson said...

Miss and adore you too Roz (coming this summer?)
And L my dear, you have your priorities straight I think.